Written by Counselor Carley
This past week I was able to council five high school aged young women. I was so excited for this opportunity, yet extremely nervous. Going from the falcon camps, in which I was working with very young girls, to Red Hawk seemed like a huge jump to me. I was worried about how to be a counselor to my girls without seeming to baby them. However, things seemed to be going pretty well for the first couple of days. My cabin didn’t open up as quickly as my younger ones had and I was finding myself discouraged. I felt like I wasn’t getting through to them at all and like I had failed them as a counselor. I took my feelings of discouragement to God and tried to keep in mind that he doesn’t need me to work in these girls lives, I am just given the privilege of doing so. God is going to do what he wants to do and I’m just along for the ride. With this in mind I devoted myself to simply loving these girls and asking God to work through me.
We left for the backpacking trip and overall came back a stronger, more unified cabin. I was so pleased. However, on Monday I noticed that one of my girls, Laura, was slipping into a really bad mood. She began rolling her eyes, disrespecting me, and gossiping about me. By this time I was exhausted and really struggling to put up with her antics. On Tuesday I pulled her aside to try and talk to her about what was going on. I knew that she struggled with depression and was on various medications so I was trying to find the line between disciplining her and also understanding that there was a lot more going on than just an angry attitude. Our talk went horrible, at least to me it seemed that way. Laura unloaded all of her angry thoughts and feelings on me. I could see her really struggling with her home situation, her mom is a drug addict, her father is dead and she has to live with her grandma. I knew that she was just an angry little girl who was taking out her anger and disappointment on me but it was still hard to not take it personal when she began attacking me personally. She stormed off, leaving me in tears and feeling like an utter failure. I again tried to give these feelings to God and decided to just love Laura like Jesus did. God truly gave me the strength to be patient with her disrespect and to love her despite her attitude.
The next morning I had said goodbye to all of the kids except for one named Grace. As we were waiting for her to be picked up she started crying and saying she hated camp. Both I and another counselor found out that our girls had been in fights for the last couple days of camp and that was what was upsetting Grace so much. Her mom came to pick her up and I found that I had no time to address this new situation. I gave her a quick talk about not letting others words affect her and encouraged her to remember her identity was in Christ and not in what these girls were saying about her. I hugged her and she left. Within 12 hours I had seen my cabin fall apart and had had no time to address the situation. I felt like such a failure.
Yesterday the boys Red Hawk camp began. Grace’s brother was getting dropped off and she had come with. I was leaving the staff lodging when I heard my name called out and looked up to see Grace running towards me. She gave me a huge hug and was genuinely glad to see me. She said she was excited for camp next year and talked to me about her summer break. I was amazed that this girl who hated camp and had left crying was so excited and talkative just a week later. It just reminded me that loving these girls is not in vain, even though at times I feel like it is. My girls didn’t seem to respond to what I was saying or the love I was trying to show them, however, seeing Grace showed me that God is using me to make an impact on these girls’ lives, even if it doesn’t seem like anything is happening. As the details of camp drama fade from my girl’s memories I believe that they will remember what is important, that I loved them and more so that Jesus loves them.
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